This season of life and parenting just hasn’t been my favorite lately. I’m struggling. Struggling to stay on top of my emotions, on top of my hot temper. Struggling to find peace in the moments of chaos and frustration. Struggling to meet the needs of myself and my family. Struggling to make my home clean and comfortable which I often throw my hands up to because oreos and brushing your teeth. Literally the struggle is real right now.
I always wanted to be a kind, peaceful and carefree parent. One who can keep their composure in most any situation, one who seems to know when to speak and when to just listen and one who just radiates love in every word, every touch and every smile. I dream of being a parent like that one day. I never really thought I’d end up being a bit more cross and quick to snap. I never thought I’d end my days feeling like I have failed as a parent, like I said and did the wrong thing and wonder what do I need to do to change and to make sure I have the most nourishing and loving relationship with my children.
Lately I have had a flare up with my anxiety and have been feeling incredibly anxious about this whole PNW earthquake thing. Feeling like we aren’t prepared enough, what do I do if we aren’t home, or worst yet what do we do if Neil is at work on the other side of the river? I know for most West Coasters this isn’t a big deal it’s just a part of life but this East Coast girl is new to the whole massive earthquake thing. I’m working through my anxiety, trying to make time for meditation, using my oils that really help to ease my anxious feelings and trying to just not think about it. The thing is my anxiety over this one thing is seeping into the other aspects of my life – my children, my relationship with my husband, being social, work, and so on.
While I know much of my anxieties and the pressures I feel I created myself they are still there and it’s up to me to take control of them. It’s up to me strive for balance in life or rather strive for a life where I feel like I am fulfilling my duties as a mama, a partner, a girl boss and as a human.
I know I’ll struggle to post this because who wants to say I am struggling but the reality is I am and I know (or at least hope) I’m not alone. I’m also using this time to officially declare to you and myself that I am going to do The Orange Rhino Challenge. I keep saying I’ll read the book and follow through but I haven’t and today is my public declaration so hold me to it.
So this is life. I’m working on a lot of personal development things right now because I need to. We can all grow, develop, change and be the people we want to be. Thank you for joining me on this journey through life and parenthood.
Are you also struggling at this thing called life? parenthood? You’re not alone.